It's Monday

Well, I saw "The Duchess". A very good movie about a strong woman. A good choice for me. It was interesting and entertaining. I've been doing some reflecting, trying to figure out what got me to this point in life so that I can successfully make some changes. I'm tired of making the same mistakes over and over and over again. I don't understand why I am so dependent on men. Why I can't face my fears about being alone. Why I work so hard to make everyone around me happy. I want to be a strong self sufficient woman. I can throw a football better than a lot of men, I can mow the grass, I can balance a checkbook, I can make a campfire and drive across the country by myself. So WHY do I feel like having a bad relationship is better than no relationship. Why I am afraid of being rejected. Is it because my dad died when I was a baby and he loved me more than anything? Is it because my brother that I adored got in trouble and went to prison. Is it my dad that raised me and I admired worked out of town and was gone a lot? I wish someone had the answers. I can't seem to find them. - BUT I am not giving up. I will not give up. I will have the relationships I want and deserve to have. I know I have to fight for them, I have to find the courage to do so. anyone have any extra laying around????