I'm Learning!!!!

God commands that we be holy. It's repeated constantly throughout the Bible. - Not a revelation to me. But what I learned this morning and MUST implement into my life this moment and every moment from now on is. Jesus said in Matthew 15:17-20 "Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body?But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart,and these make a man 'unclean." For out of the hear come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what make a man "unclean'; but eating with unwashed hands does not make him 'unclean' " What we say, what comes out of our hearts- must be holy to glorify God. I can't let Satan fill my heart with hurt and anger. I can't let him steal my peace. Those thoughts must be pushed away so I can be filled with faith, hope, love and compassion and share that for God's glory.

A New Year A New Focus

This is as good as time as any to get on the right road. Financially, spiritually, physically, emotionally. It's going to be a tough journey, but nothing like Moses did. It's going to require sacrifices, but nothing like Job did. I started during last year to make some changes. I have a little momentum to start the new year. I know I won't get it all right. I will stumble, have bad days. But everyday starts a new day. A day to be better focused on the goals at hand. I feel a lot of changes coming this year and they are all going to be coming from within me. How exciting is that?? I can't change those around me all I can do is change myself. I'm done living life the way I have been. It's not getting me where I feel God wants me to be. I only have one life to get it right and I'm running out of time. It's time to get out of my comfort zone and get to it. I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!

Christmas

In a world filled with worry and anxiety, I am finding peace. The true inner peace I have been searching for. I am still snappy with my children and I get irritated with my husband. But I have a clearer focus on what REALLY matters. I have known Christ since I was a little girl. I met him once in a dream I can still remember it as clear as day. But, He hasn't always been my focus. I have always loved and worshipped Him. (my definition, not His) But I have been learning lately. Learning what God expects and wants, even demands. God isn't "happy" God isn't concerned about the type of house I live in or the clothes I wear. God isn't going to keep me from crying. God has laid out what he requires from us. What is right and wrong. We don't get to interpret it. We don't get to pick and chose what "works for us". We get to chose if will obey or not. When we obey, we get a relationship with God that fills the voids we have. We don't get the great jobs, or perfect health. We get the peace that comes from Him. This Christmas has been the best so far. I am not stressing about buying gifts. I haven't sent out cards. I have decorated, made cookies with my daughter and her friends. I have laughed that only half the outside lights come on. I have thought about what I can give. Not what I can buy. Some people may be disappointed. But I know that God isn't. I am celebrating the birth of His son by giving my family what they want most. A happy mama. I am giving from my heart not my purse. I plan to make this a family tradition.

I remember

How do you pick a favorite memory? When I think of Grandma, so many things come to mind. I think of her character, her strength, her sweetness. I didn't get to spend enough time with her to have a favorite memory. Most of my memories aren't my own, they've been shared with me by someone else. I do remember being in the kitchen with her frying fish and even as a child I was amazed how she could cook without making a mess. I remember their house being spotless yet completely welcoming. I remember climbing into bed and the sheets and blankets smelling heavenly. When I think of Grandma, I think of the ways her eyes always blinked and the gentleness of her voice. I remember her doing the dishes, constantly. No wonder her hands were always so soft. What I will never forget about her though, is her strength. The tenacity to keep Grandpa in line, the house in order,the chores done, to keep on going no matter what came along. She raised 2 girls, 1 of them being my mother. From what I hear she was enough to push any mom over the edge. But she did a beautiful job. I know they've followed in her footsteps to be gracious, loving, strong women. After Grandpa passed away, she kept on going. I was amazed. I thought she would be lost without him. But she held fast for so many years. She will be deeply missed. But I take comfort in knowing that she is free and is together again with so many that have gone before her. I am thankful that God finally took her home so she can go fishing with Grandpa once again.

Thankful

Thanksgiving is next week and I have been thinking about all of the blessings God has given me. -not the usual gifts like family, friends, home. I am thankful for the challenges He gives to me. I know the Lord only gives us what we can handle and I have learned that He has faith in me. He could make my life a walk in the park but He doesn't. He knows that the only way for me to experience all that's available in this life is to give me obstacles to overcome. Exercising makes us stronger. Struggles, challenges-addictions, handicaps whatever you chose to call them- they are all exercises from God. They are the opportunities to make us better, stronger. I am thankful that God loves me enough to help me grow. ( I am also thankful for my wonderful family and friends) =-)

I'm holding on!!!!!!!!

Somedays the road is bumpier than others, but I know the Lord is always by my side. I've become better at having patience for the situation I'm in and knowing there is a purpose behind it. I try to learn from them instead of wishing them away. (I still wish sometimes) I know this is a difficult road I am on now, but it's not as rough as a lot of people travel. I am growing and becoming stronger. I know that is what God wants for me. I enjoy the physical growth this path He's leading me down. I have never felt so strong. I've had 4 good workouts the last 4 days. I'm hurt'in but I'm not complaining.
I want to live life with no more regrets. I have so many regrets. I have made mistake after mistake. sometimes it's the same mistake over and over again. I finally feel like maybe I have learned some lessons and I am on the right road for a change. I am eager to see what the next year brings. I may be single again, I may be very happily married. I know where ever I am, I will be happy. I trust in God that He will lead me where He wants me to go. He will love me and never leave me.
I know I frustrate those around me who think I should do this or do that. I value their feelings. I know they love me and want me to be happy. But I know that I have to do what I feel is right. I have to make my choices so that I no longer live with regrets. So to all those out there - thanks for your unending support and love. I am ok.

I enjoy boxing. I like the feeling of power-the power within myself. I have no desire to hurt anyone or to get hurt. But I would LOVE to be able to put my gloves on and just let someone have it. I'm still working on the inside as well as the outside. I got to thinking this morning about the desire to have a man in my life. I want a man to share my life with. But I have to get past the NEED to have a man in my life. I realize that most of my emotional comfort as a child came from men. My mother is a loving wonderful person, truly the best. When I was young, my younger brother had severe health issues requiring my mother's undivided attention. My care was left to my older brothers and father. My biological father passing when I was only a year old. From what I understand he loved me more than anything. I was his little doll, his little princess. He didn't like my brothers, but adored me. After he passed, my mother married a great man. He adopted us all and treated us like his own. He's the only father I have ever known. In my young years, he worked a lot and eventually went back to school while working full time. He also drove a tractor trailer requiring him to be away from home for days or weeks at a time. I grew to be very close to my dad. I enjoy sports which gave us a close bond. I probably sat in his chair and snuggled with him until I got married. I like guys. I have always had better relationships with them than with females. But the NEED to have one always there, no matter the condition of the relationship is unhealthy. I am hoping that as I learn why I am the way I am, I will be able to change and become self reliant, healthy, happy, centered, strong- able to stand up for myself and others. I will get there. I have made tremendous strides so far. It's an exciting yet stressful journey. - one that has been long over due.